At the end of the week I resigned to kill myself

I find in you

a clarity in the fog.

I see

a reality so complete

only my heart can behold it–

I know it’s true,

it’s true, it’s true.

I know it surer than I


the ground beneath my feet…

is shaking,

my steps reckless

down this path

I somehow found myself taking

But you cast your gaze

upon me

with a love so firm

it rattles me to the core.

You look me straight in the eye

without flinching at all–

why aren’t you afraid?

I know you see this mess inside,

explored all the corridors,

dug through every crevice

each screwed up thought

I’ve been entertaining

as of lately.

My question is:

what the fuck do you want?

You’re still here,

mostly quiet,

like you’re waiting,

calm but intently,

with a confident patience

I’ve really only ever found in you.

Some days I want to s c r e a m.

I get so enraged at your silence,

thinking maybe this time

I won’t

stop my thoughts from

trickling as low as suicide

just to spite ya,

thinking I’m too busy

treading water

to drink the living kind

you claim you have to offer.


it’s like we both know–

to some degree at least–

I’m not going anywhere,

I’m not walking away.

So would you

sort it all out,

untangle these knots,

remind me as I’m shutting down

the hardest battle has

already been fought?

Breathe into me.

Breathe into me!

Breathe into me until

I find that clarity

of yours I once found joy in.

1 thought on “At the end of the week I resigned to kill myself”

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