anxiety medication

I was prescribed medicine for my anxiety today. Hopefully I don’t die.

You would think after eight months of putting off my counselor’s advice to talk to a psychiatrist about medication and being terrified of the idea, I would feel a little more emotion now that I have the bottle of pills on my desk.

But I feel very nonchalant about it. At the point where most people would be experiencing the climax of emotion, I’m unusually chill. And it’s not chill in a relieved kind of way. I feel so neutral about it; I don’t even care.

The psychiatrist says it takes a couple weeks to be able to notice any actual difference, so we’ll see how it goes.

I was kind of surprised at how easy it was to get it. This was my first time seeing this psychiatrist and she gives me medication. Maybe because I’ve been seeing a counselor regularly and stuff, but I just think about how I could have just bull-shitted my way through this session and gotten any medicine I wanted. 

One thing I actually do feel relived about doesn’t even have to do with the medication itself, but what taking the medicine means. Alcohol I guess interferes with it. I’m not sure how serious that is, but I’m just going to pretend I shouldn’t have any alcohol. I’m really scared of becoming an alcoholic. Maybe that’s unfounded anxiety. But when I’m all freaking out about life, feeling depressed and chaotic out of nowhere, sometimes I wish I was old enough to buy alcohol so I could drink until I feel calm and not have to feel anything. That sort of seems like a red flag warning that I have a decent chance of becoming an alcoholic. And seeing as I turned 21 this week and there’s a liquor store down the street, I was getting a little nervous. So at least now I can use the excuse of my medicine.

Peace out.

One thought on “anxiety medication

  1. We live in an incredibly stimulating time… our biology just hasn’t caught up. Or at least that’s what I tell myself when I take my anxiety medicine. More of us out there than you might even imagine.

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