i don’t want you to go

You startled me from my sleep last night
When you spoke my name.
You weren’t really there; it was all in my head.
But even so I lied awake,
My stomach churning at the thought,
My heart wincing at the ache
Of knowing full well that there will be a day
When everything will be different,
When you’ll have left me all alone
And it won’t matter how hard I strain
I won’t be able to recall
The way your voice sounds on the phone

I’m going to miss you
Like flowers miss the rain
That never fell but only passed
By overhead in clouds a promising grey.
I’m going to wish you
Were here with the same
Ferocity with which a mother wants her baby back
When someone’s gone and stolen him away.
Because I love being with you
Like my brother used to love watching trains,
Counting the cars as we sat by the tracks.
I could sit by you forever, memorizing your face.

Because my oh my, you’re warmer than summertime,
Cruising through small towns with all the windows down,
Waving at every person I meet.
Friend, it’s no lie: you’re brighter than the sunrise,
Peaking through the trees, shining just for me
Like some marvelous secret.

You’re all the words that were ever on the tip of my tongue
Finally coming to me now but at the wrong time.
You’re all the dreams I hated waking up from,
All the hunches I had that turned out right.
You make me distressed in the most peaceful of ways,
Bring me the happiest sadness I’ve ever had to face.
You tie my insides in knots but you set my mind free
You make my heart heavy because my soul can finally breathe,

But I know you’ve never been and never will be quite mine
You’ll only stand near enough for me to feel almost at home
And it’s stupid, but I keep hoping and fearing you’ll see it in my eyes
I don’t want you to go.

I don’t want you to go.

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