when i knock on your mother’s door and i hear you inside yelling my name in excitement, waiting for us to play the game over and over and over where you shake my hand, i say, “oh, hello! how are you?” and you giggle endlessly because the words are nonsense to you when you beamed…
“Worrier” is a label that has fit me for as long as I can remember. As a child most of that worry involved an obsessive fear of people breaking in our house at night or me/my family getting bit by a dog (or when I was really little, of wolves who know how to use…
Chaos pretty much terrifies me. I hate it. At least most of the time. Sometimes I thrive on it to a certain extent. Sometimes I need it in this weird way. I had a friend die when I was in high school. I was there when the accident happened. It was chaotic for a lot…
You startled me from my sleep last night When you spoke my name. You weren’t really there; it was all in my head. But even so I lied awake, My stomach churning at the thought, My heart wincing at the ache Of knowing full well that there will be a day When everything will be…
Last night before I fell asleep, I dreamed of brightly painted toenails Barefoot in green, summer grass; A spark in my eye and dirt on my hands. I felt fresh air in my lungs, My own words on my tongue. I dreamed of running til my scrawny legs collapsed Cause every field was complete without…
1.) Life is not about you. Sometimes there will be people you don’t like, rules you don’t agree with, and hoops you have to jump through. Sometimes the group will decide to do something you don’t enjoy. Sometimes you have to sacrifice for people you love. Sometimes you’re forced to spend time with people who…
Accidentally up in the wee hours of the morning and my brain decided to get philosophical and introspective instead of going back to sleep. And I think I just got some insight as to why I’m so obsessed with the truth. My mood, whether I’m ecstatic and alive or anxiety-ridden and depressed, whether I think I…
Lately I’ve been feeling young again. Well, not again. For the first time, really. I started taking Zoloft, which is an SSRI, about a month and a half ago. I wish I would have started taking it a heck of a long time ago. Before I started taking it, I can’t even remember the last…
She looked at me and told me, “It’s going to be okay.” She said it with such conviction, The kind that’s hard to look away from. I almost kind of sort of believed her. I wanted to believer her. Because when I looked in her eyes, I could tell I was in the presence of…
I was prescribed medicine for my anxiety today. Hopefully I don’t die. You would think after eight months of putting off my counselor’s advice to talk to a psychiatrist about medication and being terrified of the idea, I would feel a little more emotion now that I have the bottle of pills on my desk.…
