Author Archives

how you have changed me

when i knock on your mother’s door and i hear you inside yelling my name in excitement, waiting for us to play the game over and over and over where you shake my hand, i say, “oh, hello! how are you?” and you giggle endlessly because the words are nonsense to you when you beamed…

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chaos

Chaos pretty much terrifies me. I hate it. At least most of the time. Sometimes I thrive on it to a certain extent. Sometimes I need it in this weird way. I had a friend die when I was in high school. I was there when the accident happened. It was chaotic for a lot…

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i don’t want you to go

You startled me from my sleep last night When you spoke my name. You weren’t really there; it was all in my head. But even so I lied awake, My stomach churning at the thought, My heart wincing at the ache Of knowing full well that there will be a day When everything will be…

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avalanche in my soul

Last night before I fell asleep, I dreamed of brightly painted toenails Barefoot in green, summer grass; A spark in my eye and dirt on my hands. I felt fresh air in my lungs, My own words on my tongue. I dreamed of running til my scrawny legs collapsed Cause every field was complete without…

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obsessed with pursuing truth.

Accidentally up in the wee hours of the morning and my brain decided to get philosophical and introspective instead of going back to sleep. And I think I just got some insight as to why I’m so obsessed with the truth. My mood, whether I’m ecstatic and alive or anxiety-ridden and depressed, whether I think I…

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young for the first time

Lately I’ve been feeling young again. Well, not again. For the first time, really. I started taking Zoloft, which is an SSRI, about a month and a half ago. I wish I would have started taking it a heck of a long time ago. Before I started taking it, I can’t even remember the last…

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belief

She looked at me and told me, “It’s going to be okay.” She said it with such conviction, The kind that’s hard to look away from. I almost kind of sort of believed her. I wanted to believer her. Because when I looked in her eyes, I could tell I was in the presence of…

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anxiety medication

I was prescribed medicine for my anxiety today. Hopefully I don’t die. You would think after eight months of putting off my counselor’s advice to talk to a psychiatrist about medication and being terrified of the idea, I would feel a little more emotion now that I have the bottle of pills on my desk.…

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